The Biotech Deck Drinking Game

10 Slides You'll Always See
If you've been pitched by more than three biotech startups in your life, you’ve probably suffered from slide déjà vu—that uncanny sensation of seeing the same deck, over and over again, with only the logo swapped.

Instead of complaining (again), I propose a new coping mechanism: a drinking game. One drink per cliché. Finish your glass if the CEO calls it a “transformational opportunity.”

⚠️ Legal disclaimer: Don’t actually drink through a pitch deck. Especially if you're driving... capital allocation decisions.

🧠 Slide 1: The “Big Problem”

“There’s no good treatment for [insert disease here].”

This is the mandatory sob-story slide. Often vague, dramatic, and unburdened by actual epidemiology.

Spot the signs:

• “Millions suffer...” (no citation)
• “The burden is enormous…” (graphic from WHO, circa 2007)
• Emotional appeal > actionable insight

🎯 What it really says:
We Googled the disease the night before the pitch.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Stock image of sad patients in grayscale + arrow going up.

🧬 Slide 2: The “Platform”

“Our AI/ML/CRISPR-integrated platform will revolutionize everything.”

This one comes with a spaghetti diagram. Multiple arrows, maybe a funnel, a lot of verbs like “ingest,” “triage,” and “accelerate.”

Spot the signs:

• At least three buzzwords per sentence
• Octopus or hexagon-style diagram
• "End-to-end" or "modularized" system

🎯 What it really says:
We don’t have a lead compound, but we have Canva Pro.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Ridiculous “platform stack” with layers like “Insight Engine” and “Omics Integrator.”

🧪 Slide 3: The Pipeline Waterfall

“Look! We have 8 programs!”

A classic. One lead asset and a dozen other ideas that are, frankly, just academic posters in disguise.

Spot the signs:

• Everything after the first asset is labeled “discovery”
• “Partnering opportunity” = neglected
• Phrases like “rapid expansion”

🎯 What it really says:
We’re hedging because nothing’s actually working yet.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Waterfall chart with mostly empty buckets.

👔 Slide 4: The Dream Team

“Our team has 100 years of combined experience.”

And yet no one has commercialized anything since Lipitor.

Spot the signs:

• Logos from Merck, Pfizer, and Novartis... but no context
• A “strategic advisor” who hasn’t returned emails since 2022
• Someone with “venture partner” in their bio, somewhere

🎯 What it really says:
We’re one scientist, one MBA, and a retired guy with a Nobel.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Photos + pharma logos + generic LinkedIn accolades

💰 Slide 5: The Market Size

“The TAM is $87 billion, conservatively.”

Always with bar charts from random sources, usually ending in a zero.

Spot the signs:

• Market size includes countries you can’t legally sell in
• Top-down math like “If we capture 1%...”
• “Conservatively” used unironically

🎯 What it really says:
We added all diseases vaguely related to ours.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Ridiculous global map with every country highlighted.

🧭 Slide 6: The Competitive Landscape

“No one else does what we do.”

Cue a 2x2 matrix where—shocker—they’re in the top right.

Spot the signs:

• Axis labels are vague (“Innovation” vs. “Clinical Relevance”)
• Competitors are misrepresented or missing
• “No direct competitors” = either clueless or lying

🎯 What it really says:
We hope no one checks Crunchbase.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Quadrant chart with an arrow labeled “Us!” soaring upward.

📊 Slide 7: The Data

“Promising results in preclinical models.”

Usually some bar graphs with P < 0.05 and error bars that went missing in action.

Spot the signs:

• Data from one mouse in one lab, one time
• “Robust” = survived peer review-lite
• “Translational potential” = handwave

🎯 What it really says:
We saw a blip and ran with it.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Inflated bar chart with no units on Y-axis.

🔐 Slide 8: The IP Fortress

“We’ve built a strong IP moat.”

A moat made mostly of expired NDA terms and wishful thinking.

Spot the signs:

• "Filed" = not granted
• "Exclusive license" = we begged the university
• A provisional patent listed like it’s enforceable

🎯 What it really says:
We used ChatGPT to write the claims.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Timeline of filings—most of them dashed outlines.

💼 Slide 9: The Business Model

“We’ll make money via X, Y, and also Z.”

Ah yes, “multiple revenue streams” including grants, optionality, and vibes.

Spot the signs:

• No mention of payer incentives
• Royalty estimates based on hope
• Revenue appears somewhere around 2032

🎯 What it really says:
Our revenue model is Excel + faith.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Fancy flowchart with $ signs and no dollar amounts.

🙏 Slide 10: The Ask

“We’re raising $25M Series A.”

The closer. Comes with fantasy milestones and a burn rate that assumes interns are free.

Spot the signs:

• Milestones cover everything from IND to world domination
• “Runway” = six months + optimism
• Ask changes if you blink

🎯 What it really says:
Please give us money so we can fix all of the above.

🎨 Graphic suggestion:
Funding bar with exaggerated outcomes: “IPO” or “Exit.”

🥂 Final Thoughts

If you made it through all 10 slides without spilling your drink or your sanity, you’re a stronger person than most GPs I know.

But let’s be fair—biotech’s hard. Storytelling is harder. And a pitch deck is a Rorschach test: you see what you want to fund. Still, a little originality wouldn’t kill anyone. Unless, of course, it delays the IND.

If you're a founder, please:

• Make fewer arrows.
• Drop the platform diagram.
• Just show me what works.

And if you're an investor:
Try not to drink during the meeting.